gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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