She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
