Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
