Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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