u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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