he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
