She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
