yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
