i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize