Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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