I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
