just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
