In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
