were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
