there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
