in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
you inspire me to be a worse person
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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