I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
