Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Randomize