Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
