so explain again why im purple
no
if i can run in heels then i can drive
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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