yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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