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I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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