So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
