Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
did you just send me my own nude
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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