Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
