I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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