he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
