Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
