I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
How does one acquire holy water?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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