I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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