We're facebook friends in real life
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
