Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
