dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
