The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
