the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
