im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
