I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
