i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
