i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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