Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just threw up on my dentist
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize