my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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