Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
