I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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