im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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