Whats the glycemic index on semen?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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