Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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