Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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