meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
