Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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