Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
