Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
