is your mom at the bar?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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