That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
