i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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