i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
This is my gift to your gina
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
