the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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