And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
