but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
