I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
