im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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