Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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