No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
