I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
As shirtless as possible
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
