the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
