Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
mondays should just be called national damage control day
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
