I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize