we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
