I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
