Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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