You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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