I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
