She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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