I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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