are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
