I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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