I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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