I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
