Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
