He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
