She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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