If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
