Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
