I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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