Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
