My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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