that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
