just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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