She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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