I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
