The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
