We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
