I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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