so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
home. puking in laundry basket.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize