I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Is Oprah even human
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
