dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
