True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
