Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
