just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
