Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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