If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
