I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
