"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
